Poor RatingThis weekend I watched my first-ever high school volleyball tournament. It was pre-season and my daughter’s JV team was getting in some valuable game experience.

While it was fun to watch my daughter competing again (she played youth soccer and lacrosse when we lived in Maryland), it brought back that dilemma all parents face: when to tell their kids or their kids’ team that they’re really not very good.

Today’s parents seem to be of the mindset that constant encouragement is the best way to build self-esteem, which will translate to better performance in the classroom or the athletic field. I rode this bandwagon throughout both of my kids’ youth athletic careers and was right there with all the other parents, yelling out the obligatory “Good Try!” cheer.

Which brings us back to the volleyball tournament.

My daughter’s team, to be blunt, is terrible. She’s not very good either. So I’m torn between the “Good Try” (which is what my heart tells me to say) and the “You guys suck” (which is what my brain tells me to say). But in all honesty, one is useless and one, done properly, is what’s needed.

So when she asked me what I thought, I told her:

“Honestly, you guys need a lot of work.”

“How do you think I did?”

“Well, I liked the fact that two of your serves went over the net and were Aces. I think you need to spend some time really working on getting those serves over, maybe make it a goal to hit 100 serves in a row.” (Mind you this is volleyball coaching from someone who never played a legitimate game other than jungle-ball at the Navy Command picnic).

She agreed. I think her coach also would agree. And we all would agree the team needs lots of work. It’s still the pre-season which means there is time to get the skills and teamwork improved.

But none of this would happen if we all deceived ourselves by thinking the team and each player was great. Platitudes don’t translate into performance.

For all of us non-athletes, the same rule applies.

  • Don’t tell poor performers that their effort is a “Good Try.”
  • Don’t believe that your half-baked presentation was a “Good Try.”
  • Don’t deceive yourself by thinking your half-assed workout was a “Good Try.”

In fact, let’s all agree to remove that phrase from our vocabulary. Maybe replace it with “Try Harder.”

And remember:

  • Criticize with the intent to improve performance, not break the spirit.
  • Critique with the goal of improving performance, not displaying your superiority.
  • Evaluate with the intent of improving the RIGHT things that make a difference, not nitpicking for the sake of nitpicking.

Our goal should be consistent improvement, not accepted mediocrity. Let’s seek and give the proper feedback to reach that goal.