In the Summer of 2018, Rosanne Barr, in a self-described, Ambien-induced stupor, sent a racist tweet describing former advisor of President Obama, Valerie Jarrett. She was subsequently fired from her rebooted TV show Rosanne. This set off an apology tour. I watched her appearance on The Dr. Oz Show. Dr. Oz asked her what she would say if Valerie Jarret was watching. Here was her apology:
“Valerie, I just want you to know, I’m sorry that you thought my tweet was racist.”
While I don’t know what was going on in Rosanne’s head, I do know that the words “I’m sorry” are tossed around frequently.
- “I’m sorry”(as you bump your shopping cart into somebody at Kroeger)
- “I’m sorry”(as you hand your license and registration to a State Trooper)
- “I’m sorry”(when you see that your dog chewed up your girlfriend’s shoe)
“I’m sorry” becomes a worn-out platitude when we fail to explore what a true apology is. Have you ever thought about how deep a true apology is?
An apology is when we look at the impact our action has on somebody. Done correctly, it involves us taking ownership of the impact, not the feelings of the person who was wronged.
Incorrect: I’m sorry my comment made you feel disrespected.
Correct: My comment was insensitive. Can you forgive me?
Incorrect: I’m sorry you thought I was speeding officer.
Correct: I was speeding. I was wrong.
Incorrect: I’m sorry I hurt your feelings last night.
Correct: I said some hurtful things last night. There is no excuse. I want to make this right.
As The Boss, you’ll never run out of things to apologize for. So, when it comes time for the apology:
- Decide whether you need to apologize. If you’re not really sorry, don’t do it.
- If you apologize, apologize for your action, not for the impact it had on the other person.
- Practice writing good apologies. When possible, don’t use the words “I’m sorry.”
Make sense?
And…if this post makes you angry, I’m sorry….
