Back during the Great Recession of 2008, I did quite a bit of outplacement work. It was ugly stuff, being paid by companies to lay off employees. I always felt bad for those on the list.
In some cases they saw the signs and were already preparing. Others were a little surprised but were looking for an excuse to move on anyway. There are some however who never saw it coming. One day they were happily employed and looking forward to a bright future with their organization when the unthinkable happened. They were let go. It’s a very traumatic experience. Motivating them to let go and move forward was sometimes a tall order.
Learning to let go of a bad experience is a challenge. It’s also a necessity if you want to move forward and experience success and happiness with the rest of your life.
Experience has taught me to look at the bad experiences and try to discern the following in order to move forward:
- What was my role? Did I do or say anything that could have caused or amplified the issue? Take a look at the entire scenario objectively. If I lost a job, was my performance lacking? Did I quit adding value? Was I working with an entitlement attitude? It’s important to take a break from blaming others and look at ourselves. Get a clear picture of the event.
- What did I learn? All events have life lesson embedded. What can I do differently as a result of this experience? What new skills do I need to learn and what can I do to prevent this from happening again?
- Who do I need to forgive? At some point, we need to identify those people who wronged us and forgive. I remember leaving the Navy in 1998 with a lot of anger at two individuals in particular. My post-Navy career was motivated by proving them wrong (both insisted I would never succeed as a civilian) but after a few years, I realized that if they did remember who I was, they probably forgot about the words they said that angered me. I was the only one keeping the issue alive. I let it go and ironically my career blossomed shortly after.
- Who can benefit from my experience? Good or bad, our experiences shape who we are. If we’ve conquered this situation and moved on successfully, we have an obligation to help others in similar situations do the same.
An exciting future can often be held back by our conscious or unconscious “anchoring” to a bad experience. We can be our own worst enemy by staying bitter and angry about past events. It’s a horrible way to live life. Take some time this week to identify those anchors and follow the four steps above to release yourself and experience the remarkable life you still have left to live!
